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Welcome to my World..
Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here
>Tagboard<
>Reminisce<
Thursday, October 19, 2006
-They say that god resides within your parents..-
I wonder...and i am still looking for the answer..is god really this cruel?
They separarted some 15 years back and i am suffereing the consequences even to this day.I shiver even now whenever i hear my fathers voice.I remember his stern look and that rock hard stare of his, which can make death look like a cartoon character.His palms cold as if bloodless and everytime they rose for that tight slap across my face. Reason: i am 3 years old..he is playing chess with Bhola uncle..I am sitting on the big couch and playing with my big fat doll.I heard ma call me from the kitchen and i get off the sofa in a hurry and start running through the living room towards the kitchen.My doll in my hand hits the chess board on the table and the chess pieces fall all over the floor.the next thing i know i am being kicked and slapped and thrown from a height of 6 feet in to the air onto hard marble flooring.I am hurt..I get hurt.. I hear myself crying ....i am still crying.
Class 4: About 7 in the evening, guests at home.I am locked up in the bedroom by my dad.Ma gets warned not to let me out coz i would disturb the guests. i hear myself crying..i am still crying.
Class 6: im again in the bedroom , mom is sitting next to me. i am doing my homework. They had a fight..I walk upto dad..."i cant solve this question daddy".....i get my answer......i have 4 finger marks across my face. i go to school the next day like tat.And i am sitting at my desk and i hear myself..... i am still crying..
Class 10: I give my boards.Mathematics exam.One question: how much will u score: i would get 100.Results: i score 98.I enter home scared coz i knoiw my fate.... the metal ruler is ready..this time i see the belt too.I see mom come in between and she is pushed to the side. i see mom crying and all i see are the marks.....on my back.. on my hands... on my legs.....i hear myself crying.... i am still crying...
everynight since then: The constant fights , the constant abuses... the screaming... the cursings, the swearings...Today: he called.He still curses mom says its her fault and i listen, i bear, i hear,
i cry and i am still crying....
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| This angel fell @ 1:44 AM |
__________
>The Fallen<
My name is...it doesn't matter....All you need to know is that I am a psychoneurotic.I am paranoid.I am obsessive.I am unpredictable. I am jealous.I am domineering.I am over-protective.I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I am a nervous wreck.I am hydrophobic.I am confused. I am guilty.I suffer from mnemophobia.I am unjustified.I am disturbed, demented, deranged and distracted. I am Acrophobic.I am a pessimist.I believe that any man is a sad excuse for a human being.I wish killing men would be legalised. I would have been seen carrying a shot gun with me all the time.I sincerely believe that yin is stronger than yang. I still believe that fire spitting dragons exist even now. I am a crazy shit headed control freak. You are probably much more saner than me..And i probably dont give a shit...
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