>me<

Welcome to my World..

Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here

>Reminisce<

Saturday, September 23, 2006

-very little that i ask for...-

I have heard that the best things in life are free..are they really??
Is this too much for me to ask....
then why do i have to wait?
why do i have to compromise?
Why do i have to be patient?

and blah..blah..blah....

|

| This angel fell @ 3:22 PM |

__________

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

-random.....-

staring at this white piece of paper
thinking bout what to write
bout the dark soul? bout the black dream
bout the broken heart or bout the journey downstream

what do i write?
the anguish of the bleeding eyes,
bout the pain in the head
it seems i am as good as dead
wish i cud think my thoughts through
i have to draw a pirates map to save me everytime i get lost in there.
too stoned to think
too drunk to realize
too mind fucked to cry
too low to rise
too high on this life

Currently feeling: ....

Listening to:............

|

| This angel fell @ 8:09 PM |

__________

Monday, September 18, 2006

-die....-

i wish to die in my sleep
wake not to this tormented daylight
my raped soul turns black with hate
and my skin burns to green
as i stare at the dry rose on my bedside
i just wish i die in my sleep....

Currently feeling: bored

Listening to:.......

|

| This angel fell @ 8:14 PM |

__________

Sunday, September 17, 2006

-Is it really me?-

you say that its only me
and i doubt whether its true
you say that i am the only one
but how can i ever trust you?

she was there always
in your arms, all pretty and fair
she IS there always
following me around with a jealous stare...

what did i do wrong, what is my fault
i only wanted to be loved
i did not mean to intrude
then why do i feel so shoved?

I keep hearing her name
and it kills me from within
i wonder and i keep thinking
Is he looking for her twin?

Currently feeling: ???????? you tell me.....

Listening to: remember the name...
( http://www.bolt.com/blow123/video/2217663 )

|

| This angel fell @ 8:56 PM |

__________

Saturday, September 16, 2006

-saturday rants.....-

standing at your door
i want to get in
want to see you one last time before i go
try nd save my heart from sinking

i would be gone long before you realise
never to comeback to being mortal again
i will sleep at dawn and fly thru the night
holding within my heart all this pain

you think u will survive
wait till realisation dawns on ur heart too
you think you can let me go
i will haunt you in your dreams
sleepless nights,wide awake
twisting and turning on ur bed
ull think about me every hour
by the bedside i shall stand and stare.

watch me as i rip your heart from inside
and live on your miserable state that i spare
keep an eye on me if u wanna live
coz ill am taking u down-fair and square.

Currently feeling:

Listening to: voodoo....(http://www.bolt.com/TammyJean/video/1831384)

|

| This angel fell @ 3:24 PM |

__________

Friday, September 15, 2006

-it's not mine-Save me-

When buzzing silence is the only sort of music
my care-weary ear can stand,
and I become a hairy, pus-filled wart
that shames the muse's lovely powdered hand
When walls remove me from the pressing crowd,
suppress me with their invisible load,
my hands become too big, my voice too loud,
I sit lost on dusty foreign roads
friendless, devoid of meaning,
all drawn in from contact needed
from those I repell because I feel
boorish, painfully thin,
and on my magnified faults I must dwell-
These times I yearn for you to save me,
you can soothe this pain, and help me make it through.

Currently feeling: numb

Listening to:Numb....

Labels: lyrics

|

| This angel fell @ 2:38 PM |

__________

Thursday, September 14, 2006

-rants....-

as i pour, he reigns
as i shudder, he retains
as i let my emotions roll, he restrains
as i die within, he remains
not anymore, never again...

Currently feeling: ........

Listening to:.............

|

| This angel fell @ 2:44 PM |

__________

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

-untitled.....-

the night falls without a sound, soulless are we.
the emotion for which my love
erupts once, then chokes,
smothered by my own obsession.
all hope must die.
my soul thrives no more.
how could you fail to believe?
angels surround us, crying,
save me from myself......

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:17 PM |

__________

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

-did u know?????-

You (12:42:04 PM): did u know?
Her (12:42:13 PM): wht?
You (12:42:20 PM): you fit into my arms so perfectly
Her (12:42:31 PM): i do?????????
You (12:42:35 PM): ji...
Her (12:42:38 PM): oye thandoo
You (12:42:48 PM): its like the best fit... made to order
Her (12:42:54 PM): hmmm
You (12:43:09 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:11 PM): wht?
You (12:43:14 PM): I LOVE YOU
You (12:43:25 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:30 PM): wht?
You (12:43:33 PM): tis been a while since i did this
You (12:43:35 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:41 PM): hehehehe
Her (12:43:46 PM): yeah its been a while
You (12:43:55 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:59 PM): wht?
You (12:44:01 PM): I LOVE YOU MORE
You (12:44:03 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:06 PM): wht?
You (12:44:09 PM): you are my lifeline
You (12:44:11 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:15 PM): wht?
You (12:44:26 PM): i am crazy about butterfly
You (12:44:28 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:36 PM): wht>?
You (12:44:50 PM): there's no life without lifeline
You (12:44:52 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:58 PM): wht?
Her (12:45:07 PM): running out of did u knw's?
You (12:45:16 PM): i love you a million times more every time u smile
You (12:45:17 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:23 PM): wht?
You (12:45:28 PM): i love your straight hair
You (12:45:29 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:33 PM): wht?
You (12:45:38 PM): i want to kiss you so bad
You (12:45:40 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:43 PM): wht?
You (12:45:51 PM): i want to hug you even more
You (12:45:53 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:55 PM): wht?
You (12:46:10 PM): id do anything to spend the rest of my life with you
You (12:46:11 PM): did u know
Her (12:46:16 PM): wht?
You (12:46:23 PM): i cant wait for you to be here
You (12:46:24 PM): did you know
Her (12:46:29 PM): wht?
You (12:46:39 PM): i get restless if i don’t hear ur voice in 3 hrs
You (12:46:40 PM): did u know
Her (12:46:49 PM): wht?
You (12:46:53 PM): you sleep like an angel
You (12:46:54 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:00 PM): wht?
You (12:47:22 PM): and i fell in love with you ... a million times over when i watched u sleep yesterday
You (12:47:24 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:34 PM): wht?
You (12:47:38 PM): i like what ur wearing
You (12:47:39 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:44 PM): wht?
You (12:47:50 PM): i live to see u blush
You (12:47:52 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:55 PM): wht?
You (12:48:03 PM): and that’s the best thing I’ve seen my whole life
You (12:48:07 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:10 PM): wht?
You (12:48:23 PM): i love to see that the did u know session is working
You (12:48:33 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:40 PM): wht?
You (12:48:46 PM): now I’m seriously in trouble
Her (12:48:50 PM): y?
You (12:48:56 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:59 PM): wht?
You (12:49:03 PM): I've lost my heart
You (12:49:05 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:08 PM): wht?
You (12:49:11 PM): and my soul too
You (12:49:13 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:16 PM): wht?
You (12:49:23 PM): and i still feel like the biggest winner around
You (12:49:24 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:30 PM): wht?
You (12:49:35 PM): what that means
You (12:49:39 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:42 PM): wht?
You (12:49:52 PM): it means ive fallen hook like n sinker
You (12:49:54 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:58 PM): wht?
You (12:50:04 PM): I’m head over heels crazy for you
You (12:50:05 PM): did u know
Her (12:50:10 PM): wht?
You (12:50:16 PM): i love it when u call me jaan
You (12:50:17 PM): did u know
Her (12:50:21 PM): wht?
Her (12:50:30 PM): enuf enuf
You (12:50:46 PM): ive never loved u more than i do right now... its just the best thing in the world to be loved by you
You (12:50:56 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:01 PM): wht?
You (12:51:12 PM): now im running out of did u knows...
You (12:51:14 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:26 PM): wht?
You (12:51:34 PM): thats only temporary
You (12:51:35 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:44 PM): wht?
You (12:51:47 PM): ill be back with more
You (12:51:49 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:53 PM): stop it
Her (12:51:58 PM): wht?
You (12:52:04 PM): im stopping only because u said so
You (12:52:11 PM): THE END
Her (12:52:17 PM): thank u
Her (12:52:25 PM): this is going on my blog
Her (12:52:38 PM): i dont think u knw that
You (12:53:02 PM): i do now... and i love the idea
Her (12:53:17 PM): im gonna change the name tho
You (12:53:23 PM): to ?
Her (12:53:29 PM): ur name not mine
You (12:53:41 PM): why not change my name ?
Her (12:53:49 PM): its my blog so its obvious one person is me
You (12:53:52 PM): cheater cheater pumpkin eater

Currently feeling:

Listening to: bas ek pal..... ( http://www.bolt.com/Abed1/audio/1929311 )

|

| This angel fell @ 3:01 PM |

__________

Monday, September 11, 2006

-dark.....-

Its a bright Monday morning. Busy streets, bright sun, cars honking, kids going to school. Its so annoying to find yourself in between a whole bunch of people you dont know and you have to keep smiling and be courteous to. I would much prefer if there was no sun, it was all dark and i am surrounded by the quietus in the pale white moonlight.

You see i am a night denizen and the daylight takes away my vigor and strips me of my most powerful weapon, my soul. I am nothing myself. I am not loved. I am not hated. I am not wanted .I am not shunned. I breathe air, i see colors, i sleep like an angel, but my heart has no beat. I have no light of my own. I snatch others sparks and i shine my own
I am only a part of the moon.

Currently feeling: blue

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 3:59 PM |

__________

Sunday, September 10, 2006

-moon....-

I see the lonely moon in the sky, comforting me from a distance
I long and i cry for you tonight, coz you are the reason of my very existence....

Looking at the sky..its a full moon night..and it makes it even more difficult not to think about you.......

Currently feeling: low

Listening to: ab na jaa.....

|

| This angel fell @ 7:50 PM |

__________

Saturday, September 09, 2006

-its you....-

its 5.30 in the morning..never thought that i wud shed tears ever again for another man in my life..had promised myself that sometime back....but here i am..looking at you..staring at your face....u dont even realise that i am looking...i am crying again..i am crying again..but i am happy...i realised i feel again..i feel again.........thank you!!!

Currently feeling: sad

Listening to:Where'd you go?....
(http://www.bolt.com/chise-rme/audio/2122078)

|

| This angel fell @ 5:31 AM |

__________

Friday, September 08, 2006

-tarot.....weird....-

The card at the top left represents how you see yourself. Eight of Tomes (Cultes des Gouls), when reversed: Too much force applied too suddenly. A flash in the pan. A foolhardy and untimely plunge into the unknown. Impatience leading to poor decisions in love, business, travel, or spiritual growth.

The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. Old One: Calm and restraint. Self-control, patience and tact in handling situations. The act of applying balanced spiritual and psychic forces to physical life.

The card in the center left represents how you feel about your partner. Seven of Artifacts (EOD Vestments), when reversed: Being trapped in a hopeless situation and unable to withdraw. A feat of daring that is too much for you to handle. Being caught in the middle of a desperate act of cunning or outright deception.

The card in the center right represents what stands between you and your partner. R'lyeh Rising, when reversed: Unexpected upheaval leading to a positive change in life. Catastrophe survived or narrowly avoided. A new lifestyle and enlightenment. May indicate a broken relationship, divorce, or failure in business or career.

The card in the lower left represents how your partner sees you. The Crawling Chaos, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.

The card in the lower right represents what your partner feels about you. Two of Man (Randolph Carter), when reversed: Instability in romance, friendship, or business. A deep infatuation that excludes existing friends. A false promise or premature commitment. The entanglement of male and female interpreted in the broadest sense. The profaning of the sacred through the introduction of base desire. Folly, depletion, and waste. May suggest conflict, divorce, or a severing of ties.

The card in the center represents the present status or challenge of the relationship. Cthulhu Awakens: A swift and conclusive decision. The resolution of a matter long unanswered. A change in point of view, most frequently towards greater enlightenment. Final balancing of karma.

Currently feeling: confused

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 8:40 PM |

__________

-its friday-

Its friday........yaay...

The nevr ending saga of the ever so annoying chatter(bitching) @ work and the whole hearted will to put up a "very hard working woman" show comes to an end today only till monday where the monday blues hit me again.
jeez..i love fridays so much but i hate them too..coz monday is only 2 days after.....

Currently feeling: happy sad

Listening to: the whistle of the cooker..........

|

| This angel fell @ 6:57 PM |

__________

Thursday, September 07, 2006

-today.....-

I dont eat pure magic biscuits anymore**
I dont go to the pani puri stall @ wheelers road**
I dont buy dvds from commercial street anymore**
I hardly cook at home these days**
I have started smoking up again**
My ciggarette count is rising on a daily basis**
I am not a one drink wonder anymore**
I do not sleep well lately**
I have lost interest @ work**
I have torn my red salwar**
I have gone back to the days of creed**

Currently feeling: annoyed

Listening to:arms wide open.........( http://www.bolt.com/GuitaR17/video/2116254 )

|

| This angel fell @ 5:20 PM |

__________

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

-alone i am and alone i will be....-

You think you know me, i wonder ho much you do
you think you can change me, id love for you to show

i was not this way long back, now blame it on this cynical world
i was not this crazy and disturbed, till the evil within unfurled...

(incomplete)

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:02 PM |

__________

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

-whtever....-

Looking at the breaking dawn over the dark black sky..the dew on the leaves outside my window..
Knew this day would come..maybe not so soon....but i olways knew within me that i would let go..
Was going through the episode inside my head again and again
Last night was the devil's night..my night..i took your soul and i know i am not coming back..i need to find my next subject..my next experiment..so i am on my search..would you care to join me?
Never wanted to, never meant to hurt you so
but this is wht i am.....

Currently feeling: psyched

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:30 PM |

__________

-its all up....in the mind-

This has been my favourite phrase since a long time..i had picked it up from a friend of mine....
" its all up in the mind"

Suddenly last night over a conversation i happenend to remembr this and since then have been ranting away the line to everyone....
This goes to ron "the don"..from whom i have picked it up from....a man of principles and a master of laziness....
He changed my life forever with this phrase and got me used to pain in a way which helped become what i am today..
As you say ron.........." a great, beautiful and strong, mature grown up woman( how you hate to admit it), but one day you gotto make the "decision"!!!!

In a way i owe u a lot in changing my outlook towards relationships and myself...and i can proudly say..i am stronger now..and a mind person!!!

the question still remains.....have u become a heart person????

and i think i knw the answer.....

Currently feeling: .......

Listening to:..........

|

| This angel fell @ 11:56 AM |

__________

-why am i like this???-

Am i supposed to be jealous???i have been this way for as long as i remember and olways wanted to get rid of this side of my personality....
Why do i feel this way wenever i see her around?..why do i feel so disturbed when i see her name?should i or shoudnt i?....i dont know..i dont want to be this way..i know he is mine..i know i have him with me for the rest of my life but still it hurts....for a while it does..dont know why?..

Someone please help me see it.....

Currently feeling: dejected

Listening to:tere bin.....

|

| This angel fell @ 12:10 AM |

__________

Monday, September 04, 2006

-mondays.....-

It's a monday morning and the same old usual lines going on and on in my head...wht am i doing here?..why am i here?...do i really want to be here...i have been thinking..been a while i have been thinking..i know i dont have the answers..i dont want to think anymore...i am not happy thats what i know...i am sure of.....so what do i do now?..wwill make me happy....what can get my waltz back?....i dont know.....why dont i know..why dont i know....
Its the usual..when u know in ur head that you are right but everyhing around you feels wrong....when no matter what you do is speculated and criticised and no matter what you do to mke it right it never seems so.....what do you do then?..why do you still struggle on....why should u still care?....

Currently feeling: Confused

Listening to:....teddy talking over the phone.....

|

| This angel fell @ 11:34 AM |

__________

Saturday, September 02, 2006

-ironic-

a traffic jam when you olready late
a no smokimg sign on your ciggerette break
its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
its like meeting the man of your dreams then meeting his beautiful wife
and isnt it ironic....

these have been my favourite lines since i dont remembr when..actually makes so much sense...coming to think of it...

Currently feeling: low

Listening to:....chatter @ work...( http://www.bolt.com/VictorPena/video/1579649 )

|

| This angel fell @ 5:21 PM |

__________

Friday, September 01, 2006

-reflections....-

pyaar ki yeh raat hai..ab na jaa
chooti si ek baat hai..ab na jaa
Pal do pal ka saath hai..ab na jaa
jadoo si yeh raat hai..ab na jaa
ab na jaa.......

How some songs just take u through a series of emotions at the same time...have been listening to this one the whole day...and have been feeling so strange...the pain of missing someone has become a pleasure.....
there i was holding onto him and had his arms around me and faintly the song going on somewhere far....some wine....few candles.....darkness around me.......(sigh)...
There i was walking along the road alone looking at a couple sitting on a park bench and screaming at each other...
there i see a silver jag standing by the road-side.....
there i read through all my mails one by one only to miss him more....
there i look up at the sky and see the moon......only to wonder..is he doing the same...

there i think...how stupid can u be????
this too shall pass........

Currently feeling: Happy sad

Listening to:ab na jaa......

|

| This angel fell @ 7:21 PM |

__________

-boink..boink-

It's been along time that i got into one of my "good" mood swings..i am usually grouchy, mouthing off irrationally, talking loads of crap and abuses in my mother tougue come out as someone wud throw up after gluging about15 shots of tequila, half a bottle of scotch and few beers nd maybe a quarter bottle of vodka .....

I call this my " boink boink" mood..Someone was very surprised that i was indeed capable of just being happy without any reason..coming to think of it..i am..just happy..nothing special happened today apart from the fact that i hav been quite bed ridden since 2 days.....as i stepped into office in the morning i felt nauseated and sick..so i ran back home right after lunch time hoping to catch up on some sleep which i have been missing from a couple of weeks lately...

But as god wud have it his way...i cudnt get any....So at the end of the day..im sitting here..going all bonkers..laughing madly enuf to look like a whacked pigeon....and yeah...going" boink boink"....

Currently feeling: boink boink....

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 12:55 AM |

__________

>The Fallen<
My name is...it doesn't matter....All you need to know is that I am a psychoneurotic.I am paranoid.I am obsessive.I am unpredictable. I am jealous.I am domineering.I am over-protective.I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I am a nervous wreck.I am hydrophobic.I am confused. I am guilty.I suffer from mnemophobia.I am unjustified.I am disturbed, demented, deranged and distracted. I am Acrophobic.I am a pessimist.I believe that any man is a sad excuse for a human being.I wish killing men would be legalised. I would have been seen carrying a shot gun with me all the time.I sincerely believe that yin is stronger than yang. I still believe that fire spitting dragons exist even now. I am a crazy shit headed control freak. You are probably much more saner than me..And i probably dont give a shit...