>me<

Welcome to my World..

Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here

>Reminisce<

Sunday, September 20, 2009

-James blunt!!-

Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.
Makes her body older than it really is.
She says it's high time she went away,
No one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.
If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.
And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight,
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,
Under the Stars and Stripes.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.
As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

Labels: lyrics

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| This angel fell @ 12:11 PM |

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

-few more..replicated though..-

Listening to: Carry you home!!!

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| This angel fell @ 11:11 PM |

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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

-rambling.one-

yes ...i am weak...have always been..this face is just a tough opaque exterior to my weakness..i dont want you to know...

looking far and beyond
these boundaries of faith and trust
i want to fly alone and soar
touch the sky and breathe the air above
for heaven still exists for me
life was within my eyes, my palms
in my heart

i thought i would live...

|

| This angel fell @ 12:06 AM |

__________

Monday, January 21, 2008

-$%^&*^-

Life has been rather tumultuous lately. Have been desperate to find balance between work, life, and myself. Just got back to doing something that I have always done. Nonetheless, work front has always been pretty chaotic at my end.
And at every workplace, as mom always said,, you never ever look for love. And I’m NOT!
It keeps looking for me.
Hmm.. doesn’t make much sense to me either.
I have a job which entails non stop interaction with people whom I admire for their non stop vomit of creativity which sometime is vomit and sometimes is exceptional.
These people rather the men id take this opportunity to describe as rather intriguing.
Of all those who work with me, there is this one boy..im mentioning boy coz that’s safer.
Simply put is a bitch. Again using a word that best describes him. What can I say…Looks like I have a penchant for guys who are the perfect wrong for me.

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| This angel fell @ 3:22 PM |

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

-for wht's worth-

We stand together here in these rows of lies
You pretend that you belong next to me
And I smile to be happy as long as I can be
Looking around in this dense cloud of morbid faces
Trying to find a familiar one
One touch, one look, one breath
Something familiar in this life full of death
I know you still love her
You look for that face, her one touch
One sweet caress and to lie beside her
Need not pretend, need not swear
No need to lie anymore coz I wont be there
I shall keep the saying alive
“THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

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| This angel fell @ 12:50 PM |

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Friday, October 26, 2007

-bounce..bounce-

Bounce with me..bounce with me.......

There we go again....today is my last day here @ wizcraft..celebrities, in office and to the actual sense of the term, making loads of money, too hectic a work schedule, surrounded by bitches and bastards of all orders...i will miss this place specially my desk and the famous office chai.

heading back to advertising...i cannot show it to them tat leaving hurts..and it does quite a bit....who else better than you to tell it out to.....

I see myself now...a cheap whore, who sells her ideas to make money..trying to bargain for all those thoughts in monetary terms...(for lil money if u can call it tat)....and guess what..im enjoying it!!!

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| This angel fell @ 3:04 PM |

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Friday, August 17, 2007

-me and her.....-

I watch you as you walked past me..not recognising.You turn around and i think you look at me.I hold your gaze and i hold you tight.My dream comes shattering down ans i see her walk past me,like a gentle breeze,shining like the brightest star.Your smile breaks me up.weakens me.But you never smiled at me.How can i forget tat?This illusion in my head, i want to get rid of.I feel lost in this world of faceless people.But i am not the one, i know.She lights up your life like the brightest star.I see you holding her,your fingers running through her silky hair, caressing her face.
But how do i forget?I was also a part.You touched my face, ran your fingers through my silky hair, you caressed my face.Didnt you ever see me standing right there.These are the times when you make me laugh, when you make me mad, when you make me see...

Currently feeling: Down

Listening to: my thoughts.....

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| This angel fell @ 2:07 PM |

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Monday, August 06, 2007

-How beautiful is the night.....-

A dewy freshness fills the silent air.It's almost 3 o clock in the night and i'm still awake thinking......thinking what? Got to really find the answer.It has been quite sometime now that i am sitting with the white sheet of paper and writing nothing.But i know i have a lot of things to write.

Are you awake like me and thinking.I don't think you are......if you could just be awake and look beyond your windows, you could have seen the halcyon sky through which the silent air is drifting away with an earnest promise of a cognent tommorrow.A tommorrow which would be so disparate than today.Probably no, you are sleeping.

Probably you would be lying in your cradle of chimera with your throe all kept outside the door of your room.With you head lying on the soft pillow i can see a smile on your face.You are happy .....isn't it?Are you happy or is it you are still awake like me and trying to catch your bubble with both hands.Don't do so or it might burst, it might burst so painfully that may impede your joy with tears.Tears , they are so precious don't let them go.Keep them with you and go to sleep.Don't open the door and let your worries wake you up from your quietus.
I don't know whether you still believe it or not that i am awake because of you.Why?
Don't ask me as i don't know...don't ask me as i am searching for a retort.Why is it that everytime i see the little window opening up, i am filled with beautitude in me and everytime we bid farewell i feel the obscurity settle in.I just can't accept the truth that this obscurity is all of me to stay with and those moments spend with you is ephemeral.Trust me, i never want the moment to end.

But i know, it will, maybe not today, maybe not tommorrow, but sometime, someday.

Yes, I am possessive, but like a little girl who would not like to share her loved toy with anyone.Is it really iniquitous to do so??

I really don't know but maybe you are right.So even now as you go away to your cradle of chimera i would not hinter but i shall wait, i'll wait outside the door of your room and safely keep your worries with me so that your bubble does not burst.Trust me i will.

Yonder see the morning blink
The sun is up, and up must I,
To work and dress, to eat and drink
To look at things and to talk and think
And work, god knows why

Good morning, wake up from the cradle and catch your reverie because it's there waiting for you and let me go to sleep with your worries.

It's all that i want
It's all that i can give
It's all that i'm thinking.....

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| This angel fell @ 5:20 PM |

__________

Thursday, August 02, 2007

-It's dark in here....-

It's early morning, around six thirthy-ish, and she is lying in bed and her legs dangling on the bed side.You can see those dry yellowish festerings from the burn marks on her wrist, you can figure that she hasnt slept for a long time.I wonder what is she doing, while her head is under the pillow and the orange sunlight gently peeping through those dark shadowy linen mantles.The palls have become a dark brown in color from the not so often washes.For a second she realises that i am around, for a fraction of a minute she stops, her feet are still and it seems like she is trying to smell the air, trying to catch an unknown scent of an intruder.I could see her muscles stiffen and her hand slowly wriglling under the pillow.As i wait patiently, slowly my eyes get used to the darkness.There was a heap of unwashed lingerie lying on the bed.The entire room had a distinct smell of ichors.It was damp, it was smelly..it was dead.As i noticed while my heart throbbed a 100 beats a second ,there was somthing shining under the pillow. I figured it was her armor.She was protecting herself.But from what? who would come to her in this hell? i slowly moved towards her,footsteps no no, i was gliding atleast trying to so as to not make any sound to startle her.As i reached closer, i caught a glimpse of a book she was reading, was it the tale of.....?I am not sure.All of a sudden i found myself close enough to her so that i could gently lay my hand on her shoulder.I wanted to ask her..why?how? when?...And all this while she was reading that book as her feet kept that monotonous oscillation in the air.I was sleepy from this intense chase lasting 45 minutes or so.I was tired and hungry.I couldnt drop my eyelids whilst i had to squint them a couple of times from the strain of walking in the dark.Suddenly, there was a strange sound. As if someone tried to poke a knife through a pillow.As i raised my eyes i saw a pretty little face smiling at me.It was her,she knew i had come to take her away.Far from this hatful state where she had lived for epochs.She had a perfactly round face, a light brown dull, knotted lifeless hair that flowed down her shoulders.And she was smiling.

I felt sleepy and tired and there was a sticky thick fluid around me. Among all this there was something strange that i recall....she had no eyes.they were just no eyes, only dry sockets..empty.

And all i remember after that is i fell asleep as the dark mantles closed upon me from all sides.

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| This angel fell @ 5:11 PM |

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Monday, July 16, 2007

-Insane ..huh?-

Its drizzling outside. With a leathery feel on my palms I slowly rose from the bed and walked to the window. He was lying next to the foot of the cot. The sledgehammer rested on the pillow. It was a pink pillow cover with small white lilies in paint , scattered on it. A sense of pride and accomplishment swept me away and i started jumping up and down on the ground. I was happy. Happy as a small girl who has just got rid of an ugly lizard wriggling on the wall of her bedroom from a few days. I was happy as bird that learnt to fly all by self. I was happy as a dry-cleaned shirt after a tumble wash. (Maybe not that funny). But i was freakingly laughing loudly. Suddenly i thought i saw the index finger move. To be sure i tread slowly across the room and picked up the hammer. I felt a sense of strength and as the blood rushed into my head i brought the hammer down on his head again. And again. And again.
Then all was quiet. As if nothing had happened.
I was happy again.

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| This angel fell @ 5:10 PM |

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

-They call me the black star:-

There she was. Sitting in her usual place smoking that long cigarillo. Her lips had discolored now , they was a black inkiness in them and she had wrinkles all over her face. Her forehead had lines of desperate thinking that she did during her past life. Her eyes had severe dark circles around them, crevasses that overtook the desperate try to defy age. He had left her, amazingly not for any other woman, but said goodbye to life, just like that.Now she was alone, all alone in this dramatic world to live, live with all the will she had just to prove that she is still capable. She can still fight. She still wore that ring around her finger. She still smoked that same cigarillo, she still loved blue, and she still waited for Old Nick to come take her. Take her away from this hypocritical world.It was a rocking chair that he used to sit on, reading his newspaper and smoking his pipe.She had watched over him since that surreal day they first met. And now all of that was gone. He had left her loads of money and tons of memories. But all she longed was that one caress, that one touch of his fingers and that one hug while she slept in his arms.She sat there everyday, for hours smoking her cigarillo, Thinking.. Thinking what, it’s hard for me to figure it out... This is what i am scared of....

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| This angel fell @ 3:07 PM |

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Monday, July 02, 2007

-The blue scar-

Living thru these layers of misery
Every minute of disdain and agony
Looking thru the eyes of glass
I see the pain of mortality
Injuring every soul in the vicinity
This mystery of the living soul shattering all my beliefs
I carry this upon me
I have the blue scar

Currently feeling: Blue

Listening to: Bring me to life....

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| This angel fell @ 2:57 PM |

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Friday, June 15, 2007

-huh....-

There is a time when nothing counts
Devils cower toward you and the angels melt
The numbness gets into your marrow so very deep
You go to bed every night thinking of passing away in your sleep

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| This angel fell @ 1:44 PM |

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Monday, March 26, 2007

-hmmmm-

I’m walking away
From the troubles in my life
I’m walking away
To find a better day…..

It’s been a long journey so far. Every day seemed like a year and so much more.
Its time I move on.
Don’t I think so?

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 12:08 PM |

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

-jeez...can it be true!!!-

What am i: Full of crap
How do i think: With my head
Where am i from: Pluto
Why am i here: I am here to fight for my right
My famous last words will be:"nice doggy"
My celtic horoscope says: There's not anyone in this world quite like you.You are full of imagination, ambition, and originality. Shy but confident, you hunger for new experiences. You have a good memory and learn easily. You are sometimes nervous and always complex (especially in love).
My element: Fire
Alter ego:Gabriel
My vampire name:Opal of Austria
Alter superhero: Batman
My brain: It is 47% Female and 53% Male
My mexican name: Dona Rosa'
Theme song: Back in Black by AC/DC
Song that i would strip to: Master and servant by Depeche Mode
My elf name: Spicy snowballer
My ideal career:Carpenter - Diesel Mechanic - Electrician Farmer - Fire Fighter - Flight Engineer Forester - Locksmith - Locomotive Engineer Pilot - Police Officer - Truck Driver
My japanese name:Kioko Hosokoawa
Hidden talent: Interpersonal relations and dealing with people
My power color: Teal

is it true?

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 4:34 PM |

__________

-back-

hi all,

been a while that i have managed to scribble nething here.So, here i am back now..will try an post something everyday..try..i said i will try.....

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 4:29 PM |

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

-doorie...-

doorie sahi jaye na
khomshiya yeh seh na saku
aawaaz deke mujhse tu de ja sukun

doorie sahi jaye na
adhora hooon mein abb tere bina
adhoori meri zindagani reh jayegi

doorie sahi jaye na
har rah mein tu aaye nazar
katta nahi abb akele tanha safar
doorie sahi jaye na

Currently feeling: good

Listening to: doorie

Labels: lyrics

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| This angel fell @ 6:09 PM |

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Currently feeling: ....

Listening to:RTN

Labels: lyrics

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| This angel fell @ 5:48 PM |

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THE HORIZON OF MANY PEOPLE IS A CIRCLE WITH A RADIUS OF ZERO.THEY CALL THIS THEIR POINT OF VIEW...

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| This angel fell @ 5:47 PM |

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

-They say that god resides within your parents..-

I wonder...and i am still looking for the answer..is god really this cruel?

They separarted some 15 years back and i am suffereing the consequences even to this day.I shiver even now whenever i hear my fathers voice.I remember his stern look and that rock hard stare of his, which can make death look like a cartoon character.His palms cold as if bloodless and everytime they rose for that tight slap across my face. Reason: i am 3 years old..he is playing chess with Bhola uncle..I am sitting on the big couch and playing with my big fat doll.I heard ma call me from the kitchen and i get off the sofa in a hurry and start running through the living room towards the kitchen.My doll in my hand hits the chess board on the table and the chess pieces fall all over the floor.the next thing i know i am being kicked and slapped and thrown from a height of 6 feet in to the air onto hard marble flooring.I am hurt..I get hurt.. I hear myself crying ....i am still crying.

Class 4: About 7 in the evening, guests at home.I am locked up in the bedroom by my dad.Ma gets warned not to let me out coz i would disturb the guests. i hear myself crying..i am still crying.

Class 6: im again in the bedroom , mom is sitting next to me. i am doing my homework. They had a fight..I walk upto dad..."i cant solve this question daddy".....i get my answer......i have 4 finger marks across my face. i go to school the next day like tat.And i am sitting at my desk and i hear myself..... i am still crying..

Class 10: I give my boards.Mathematics exam.One question: how much will u score: i would get 100.Results: i score 98.I enter home scared coz i knoiw my fate.... the metal ruler is ready..this time i see the belt too.I see mom come in between and she is pushed to the side. i see mom crying and all i see are the marks.....on my back.. on my hands... on my legs.....i hear myself crying.... i am still crying...

everynight since then: The constant fights , the constant abuses... the screaming... the cursings, the swearings...Today: he called.He still curses mom says its her fault and i listen, i bear, i hear,
i cry and i am still crying....

|

| This angel fell @ 1:44 AM |

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

waqt ko thamne ki koshish mein
Hamne tumhe gawa diya
hamne sirf aapki khushiyon ki khatir
apne pyaar ko hi bhula diya

Labels: lyrics

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| This angel fell @ 11:56 PM |

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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

-i hate flying...-

I had read somewhere...

leonardo da vinci : "Once a person has tasted flight he will forver walk this earth with his eyes skywards, for he had been there and will always long to go back there"

Me: "Dude with all due respect can i get u a Spice-jet ticket?"

I just landed today from one such "flight" and i would carefully choose my words and try not to upset the concerned.."The flight was interesting"
I learnt that it dosnt take too much for a heart to be seized by an attack.And that too something which lasts few seconds.I shall try and describe it and i know even before i start tat i cannot do justice to it..U have to experience it to understand...

Initially the craft goes round and round for some starnge reason even after announcing that " we are ready for landing and i suppose tat means we are landing but not here..in this particular aircraft we are ready for landing denotes we are at a decent.
Anyhow, so the craft is going round and round and i wonder have we lost our way or something, can that guy sitting in the cock-pit(find tat name funny) even see the taxing area...Why are we faffing around in the air?
So this bird is on its way to the ground and i can see the tared road next to me..and then i hear a deafening sound..its still ringing in my ears...does a jerk as hard as a situation wherein my shoulders bang into my next seat girl's shoulders is considered a bad landing?Or a shake which can make ur intestines churn and practically change the location of all of your vital organs be considered normal?

You tell me..

So Leo...flying is not an experience everyone enjoys..only a few priviledged ones..as far as my guess goes!!!

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 2:03 PM |

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

its a total mess.god please give me strength to hold strong.im on the edge of the cliff and i have just one foothold on the ground.I need to get through this and i need to do this ...save me..either take me with you or let me live...

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 3:22 PM |

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Saturday, October 07, 2006

yup..the "currently feeling" part explains this bad piece...

Ashes to lashes
Lust to dust
This razorblade romance of mine
is just about to burst
These itchy feet of mine
just dont seem to stop any where
i am doomed to wander in this thicket
till i find my own safe lair...

Currently feeling: moody

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 4:29 PM |

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-Nickelback-How you remind me-

One more..

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my headscream
"are we having fun yet?"
yeah, yeah, yeah, no, noyeah, yeah, yeah,
no, noit's not like you didn't know
thatI said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you
And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really amI

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

Labels: lyrics

|

| This angel fell @ 12:40 PM |

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-godsmack-i stand alone-

Cant tell you how much this helps at times....

Now I've told you this once before
You can't control me
If you try to take me down you're gonna pay
Now I feel your every nothing
that you're doing for me
I'm picking you outa me
you run away
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone

You're always hiding behind your so called goddess
So what you don't think that we can see your face
Resurrected back before the final fallen
I'll never rest until I can make my own way
I'm not afraid of fading
I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside of me
I'm not dying for it
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
And now its my time (now its my time)
It's my time to dream (my time to dream)
Dream of the sky (dream of the sky)
Make me believe that this place isn't plagued
By the poison in me
Help me decide if my fire will burn out
Before you can breathe
Breathe into me
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside of me
I'm not dying for it
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
Inside .......

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

Labels: lyrics

|

| This angel fell @ 12:36 PM |

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

-Im doing good....-

Just woke up from sleep.Its about 3pm ist and i dont feel like leaving the bed.
Got a constant throbbing in my head
i see about 6 msgs on my cell fone flashing.
Couple of offliners on the desktop.
wonder would peoples' life change is i was not around?
would it have been better or worse.

Yesterday i was asked by a friend of mine to "check out" this site which had something to do with buddhism and nichiren and the way of peace and individuality and how you can first overcome your own faults and hence try and make the world a better place and stuff.
He kinda was shocked after he went through my blog and seriously thought that i had harped upon my suicidal tendencies and am on my way to self destruct.
I very much love myself and the small small things around me bring me happiness.I do have a special someone in my life and yes i love chocolates too.
So i dont see anything that is worth a worry.

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 2:53 PM |

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-wishful thinking-

Flashes in my head:

heavy breathing
trickles of sweat
few candles
a big bed
satin sheet
a thousand heartbeats
passionate kisses
your hands on my back
my lips on yours
and silence......lots of it.....

P.S:This was an offline request to this list:
Black candles
Loads of cushions

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 8:40 AM |

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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

-Reprimand me..i give a shit...-

It's been a long time..Havent really had a chance to get to the "create post" page lately.

So..here it goes..
Last sunday..i was 5 Large shots of vodka and 2 beers down.Havent had mixed drinks for quite sometime now and yes..it did take its toll on me.And i am proud to say that i can still hold myself staright and get back home and yes get online and try to talk sense in a converstaion.

I came to know yesterday that my ecstatic state which i try and hide from a few people(who dont appreciate it) was discussed by someone whom i had totally trusted.
And i have to admit it didnt hurt me but i surely got a little upset with that person.I guess i never ezpected the person to discuss me with his closed ones...
i guess i was wrong.so anyways...I became a subject of casual taunts about my drinking habits and ah yes..never forget the smoking debate that i keep getting into with people..

Ahh..the dos and the donts..
Hey girl..u gotto slow down..
hey babe..its not good for your health....
hey.. you shouldnt be smoking....
hey..its only taking away from you....
hey.. you are ruining your life.....

ARGH...Take a walk people!!!!

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

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| This angel fell @ 4:08 PM |

__________

Saturday, September 23, 2006

-very little that i ask for...-

I have heard that the best things in life are free..are they really??
Is this too much for me to ask....
then why do i have to wait?
why do i have to compromise?
Why do i have to be patient?

and blah..blah..blah....

|

| This angel fell @ 3:22 PM |

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

-random.....-

staring at this white piece of paper
thinking bout what to write
bout the dark soul? bout the black dream
bout the broken heart or bout the journey downstream

what do i write?
the anguish of the bleeding eyes,
bout the pain in the head
it seems i am as good as dead
wish i cud think my thoughts through
i have to draw a pirates map to save me everytime i get lost in there.
too stoned to think
too drunk to realize
too mind fucked to cry
too low to rise
too high on this life

Currently feeling: ....

Listening to:............

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| This angel fell @ 8:09 PM |

__________

Monday, September 18, 2006

-die....-

i wish to die in my sleep
wake not to this tormented daylight
my raped soul turns black with hate
and my skin burns to green
as i stare at the dry rose on my bedside
i just wish i die in my sleep....

Currently feeling: bored

Listening to:.......

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| This angel fell @ 8:14 PM |

__________

Sunday, September 17, 2006

-Is it really me?-

you say that its only me
and i doubt whether its true
you say that i am the only one
but how can i ever trust you?

she was there always
in your arms, all pretty and fair
she IS there always
following me around with a jealous stare...

what did i do wrong, what is my fault
i only wanted to be loved
i did not mean to intrude
then why do i feel so shoved?

I keep hearing her name
and it kills me from within
i wonder and i keep thinking
Is he looking for her twin?

Currently feeling: ???????? you tell me.....

Listening to: remember the name...
( http://www.bolt.com/blow123/video/2217663 )

|

| This angel fell @ 8:56 PM |

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

-saturday rants.....-

standing at your door
i want to get in
want to see you one last time before i go
try nd save my heart from sinking

i would be gone long before you realise
never to comeback to being mortal again
i will sleep at dawn and fly thru the night
holding within my heart all this pain

you think u will survive
wait till realisation dawns on ur heart too
you think you can let me go
i will haunt you in your dreams
sleepless nights,wide awake
twisting and turning on ur bed
ull think about me every hour
by the bedside i shall stand and stare.

watch me as i rip your heart from inside
and live on your miserable state that i spare
keep an eye on me if u wanna live
coz ill am taking u down-fair and square.

Currently feeling:

Listening to: voodoo....(http://www.bolt.com/TammyJean/video/1831384)

|

| This angel fell @ 3:24 PM |

__________

Friday, September 15, 2006

-it's not mine-Save me-

When buzzing silence is the only sort of music
my care-weary ear can stand,
and I become a hairy, pus-filled wart
that shames the muse's lovely powdered hand
When walls remove me from the pressing crowd,
suppress me with their invisible load,
my hands become too big, my voice too loud,
I sit lost on dusty foreign roads
friendless, devoid of meaning,
all drawn in from contact needed
from those I repell because I feel
boorish, painfully thin,
and on my magnified faults I must dwell-
These times I yearn for you to save me,
you can soothe this pain, and help me make it through.

Currently feeling: numb

Listening to:Numb....

Labels: lyrics

|

| This angel fell @ 2:38 PM |

__________

Thursday, September 14, 2006

-rants....-

as i pour, he reigns
as i shudder, he retains
as i let my emotions roll, he restrains
as i die within, he remains
not anymore, never again...

Currently feeling: ........

Listening to:.............

|

| This angel fell @ 2:44 PM |

__________

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

-untitled.....-

the night falls without a sound, soulless are we.
the emotion for which my love
erupts once, then chokes,
smothered by my own obsession.
all hope must die.
my soul thrives no more.
how could you fail to believe?
angels surround us, crying,
save me from myself......

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:17 PM |

__________

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

-did u know?????-

You (12:42:04 PM): did u know?
Her (12:42:13 PM): wht?
You (12:42:20 PM): you fit into my arms so perfectly
Her (12:42:31 PM): i do?????????
You (12:42:35 PM): ji...
Her (12:42:38 PM): oye thandoo
You (12:42:48 PM): its like the best fit... made to order
Her (12:42:54 PM): hmmm
You (12:43:09 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:11 PM): wht?
You (12:43:14 PM): I LOVE YOU
You (12:43:25 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:30 PM): wht?
You (12:43:33 PM): tis been a while since i did this
You (12:43:35 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:41 PM): hehehehe
Her (12:43:46 PM): yeah its been a while
You (12:43:55 PM): did u know
Her (12:43:59 PM): wht?
You (12:44:01 PM): I LOVE YOU MORE
You (12:44:03 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:06 PM): wht?
You (12:44:09 PM): you are my lifeline
You (12:44:11 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:15 PM): wht?
You (12:44:26 PM): i am crazy about butterfly
You (12:44:28 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:36 PM): wht>?
You (12:44:50 PM): there's no life without lifeline
You (12:44:52 PM): did u know
Her (12:44:58 PM): wht?
Her (12:45:07 PM): running out of did u knw's?
You (12:45:16 PM): i love you a million times more every time u smile
You (12:45:17 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:23 PM): wht?
You (12:45:28 PM): i love your straight hair
You (12:45:29 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:33 PM): wht?
You (12:45:38 PM): i want to kiss you so bad
You (12:45:40 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:43 PM): wht?
You (12:45:51 PM): i want to hug you even more
You (12:45:53 PM): did u know
Her (12:45:55 PM): wht?
You (12:46:10 PM): id do anything to spend the rest of my life with you
You (12:46:11 PM): did u know
Her (12:46:16 PM): wht?
You (12:46:23 PM): i cant wait for you to be here
You (12:46:24 PM): did you know
Her (12:46:29 PM): wht?
You (12:46:39 PM): i get restless if i don’t hear ur voice in 3 hrs
You (12:46:40 PM): did u know
Her (12:46:49 PM): wht?
You (12:46:53 PM): you sleep like an angel
You (12:46:54 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:00 PM): wht?
You (12:47:22 PM): and i fell in love with you ... a million times over when i watched u sleep yesterday
You (12:47:24 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:34 PM): wht?
You (12:47:38 PM): i like what ur wearing
You (12:47:39 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:44 PM): wht?
You (12:47:50 PM): i live to see u blush
You (12:47:52 PM): did u know
Her (12:47:55 PM): wht?
You (12:48:03 PM): and that’s the best thing I’ve seen my whole life
You (12:48:07 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:10 PM): wht?
You (12:48:23 PM): i love to see that the did u know session is working
You (12:48:33 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:40 PM): wht?
You (12:48:46 PM): now I’m seriously in trouble
Her (12:48:50 PM): y?
You (12:48:56 PM): did u know
Her (12:48:59 PM): wht?
You (12:49:03 PM): I've lost my heart
You (12:49:05 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:08 PM): wht?
You (12:49:11 PM): and my soul too
You (12:49:13 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:16 PM): wht?
You (12:49:23 PM): and i still feel like the biggest winner around
You (12:49:24 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:30 PM): wht?
You (12:49:35 PM): what that means
You (12:49:39 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:42 PM): wht?
You (12:49:52 PM): it means ive fallen hook like n sinker
You (12:49:54 PM): did u know
Her (12:49:58 PM): wht?
You (12:50:04 PM): I’m head over heels crazy for you
You (12:50:05 PM): did u know
Her (12:50:10 PM): wht?
You (12:50:16 PM): i love it when u call me jaan
You (12:50:17 PM): did u know
Her (12:50:21 PM): wht?
Her (12:50:30 PM): enuf enuf
You (12:50:46 PM): ive never loved u more than i do right now... its just the best thing in the world to be loved by you
You (12:50:56 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:01 PM): wht?
You (12:51:12 PM): now im running out of did u knows...
You (12:51:14 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:26 PM): wht?
You (12:51:34 PM): thats only temporary
You (12:51:35 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:44 PM): wht?
You (12:51:47 PM): ill be back with more
You (12:51:49 PM): did u know
Her (12:51:53 PM): stop it
Her (12:51:58 PM): wht?
You (12:52:04 PM): im stopping only because u said so
You (12:52:11 PM): THE END
Her (12:52:17 PM): thank u
Her (12:52:25 PM): this is going on my blog
Her (12:52:38 PM): i dont think u knw that
You (12:53:02 PM): i do now... and i love the idea
Her (12:53:17 PM): im gonna change the name tho
You (12:53:23 PM): to ?
Her (12:53:29 PM): ur name not mine
You (12:53:41 PM): why not change my name ?
Her (12:53:49 PM): its my blog so its obvious one person is me
You (12:53:52 PM): cheater cheater pumpkin eater

Currently feeling:

Listening to: bas ek pal..... ( http://www.bolt.com/Abed1/audio/1929311 )

|

| This angel fell @ 3:01 PM |

__________

Monday, September 11, 2006

-dark.....-

Its a bright Monday morning. Busy streets, bright sun, cars honking, kids going to school. Its so annoying to find yourself in between a whole bunch of people you dont know and you have to keep smiling and be courteous to. I would much prefer if there was no sun, it was all dark and i am surrounded by the quietus in the pale white moonlight.

You see i am a night denizen and the daylight takes away my vigor and strips me of my most powerful weapon, my soul. I am nothing myself. I am not loved. I am not hated. I am not wanted .I am not shunned. I breathe air, i see colors, i sleep like an angel, but my heart has no beat. I have no light of my own. I snatch others sparks and i shine my own
I am only a part of the moon.

Currently feeling: blue

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 3:59 PM |

__________

Sunday, September 10, 2006

-moon....-

I see the lonely moon in the sky, comforting me from a distance
I long and i cry for you tonight, coz you are the reason of my very existence....

Looking at the sky..its a full moon night..and it makes it even more difficult not to think about you.......

Currently feeling: low

Listening to: ab na jaa.....

|

| This angel fell @ 7:50 PM |

__________

Saturday, September 09, 2006

-its you....-

its 5.30 in the morning..never thought that i wud shed tears ever again for another man in my life..had promised myself that sometime back....but here i am..looking at you..staring at your face....u dont even realise that i am looking...i am crying again..i am crying again..but i am happy...i realised i feel again..i feel again.........thank you!!!

Currently feeling: sad

Listening to:Where'd you go?....
(http://www.bolt.com/chise-rme/audio/2122078)

|

| This angel fell @ 5:31 AM |

__________

Friday, September 08, 2006

-tarot.....weird....-

The card at the top left represents how you see yourself. Eight of Tomes (Cultes des Gouls), when reversed: Too much force applied too suddenly. A flash in the pan. A foolhardy and untimely plunge into the unknown. Impatience leading to poor decisions in love, business, travel, or spiritual growth.

The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. Old One: Calm and restraint. Self-control, patience and tact in handling situations. The act of applying balanced spiritual and psychic forces to physical life.

The card in the center left represents how you feel about your partner. Seven of Artifacts (EOD Vestments), when reversed: Being trapped in a hopeless situation and unable to withdraw. A feat of daring that is too much for you to handle. Being caught in the middle of a desperate act of cunning or outright deception.

The card in the center right represents what stands between you and your partner. R'lyeh Rising, when reversed: Unexpected upheaval leading to a positive change in life. Catastrophe survived or narrowly avoided. A new lifestyle and enlightenment. May indicate a broken relationship, divorce, or failure in business or career.

The card in the lower left represents how your partner sees you. The Crawling Chaos, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.

The card in the lower right represents what your partner feels about you. Two of Man (Randolph Carter), when reversed: Instability in romance, friendship, or business. A deep infatuation that excludes existing friends. A false promise or premature commitment. The entanglement of male and female interpreted in the broadest sense. The profaning of the sacred through the introduction of base desire. Folly, depletion, and waste. May suggest conflict, divorce, or a severing of ties.

The card in the center represents the present status or challenge of the relationship. Cthulhu Awakens: A swift and conclusive decision. The resolution of a matter long unanswered. A change in point of view, most frequently towards greater enlightenment. Final balancing of karma.

Currently feeling: confused

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 8:40 PM |

__________

-its friday-

Its friday........yaay...

The nevr ending saga of the ever so annoying chatter(bitching) @ work and the whole hearted will to put up a "very hard working woman" show comes to an end today only till monday where the monday blues hit me again.
jeez..i love fridays so much but i hate them too..coz monday is only 2 days after.....

Currently feeling: happy sad

Listening to: the whistle of the cooker..........

|

| This angel fell @ 6:57 PM |

__________

Thursday, September 07, 2006

-today.....-

I dont eat pure magic biscuits anymore**
I dont go to the pani puri stall @ wheelers road**
I dont buy dvds from commercial street anymore**
I hardly cook at home these days**
I have started smoking up again**
My ciggarette count is rising on a daily basis**
I am not a one drink wonder anymore**
I do not sleep well lately**
I have lost interest @ work**
I have torn my red salwar**
I have gone back to the days of creed**

Currently feeling: annoyed

Listening to:arms wide open.........( http://www.bolt.com/GuitaR17/video/2116254 )

|

| This angel fell @ 5:20 PM |

__________

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

-alone i am and alone i will be....-

You think you know me, i wonder ho much you do
you think you can change me, id love for you to show

i was not this way long back, now blame it on this cynical world
i was not this crazy and disturbed, till the evil within unfurled...

(incomplete)

Currently feeling:

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:02 PM |

__________

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

-whtever....-

Looking at the breaking dawn over the dark black sky..the dew on the leaves outside my window..
Knew this day would come..maybe not so soon....but i olways knew within me that i would let go..
Was going through the episode inside my head again and again
Last night was the devil's night..my night..i took your soul and i know i am not coming back..i need to find my next subject..my next experiment..so i am on my search..would you care to join me?
Never wanted to, never meant to hurt you so
but this is wht i am.....

Currently feeling: psyched

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 4:30 PM |

__________

-its all up....in the mind-

This has been my favourite phrase since a long time..i had picked it up from a friend of mine....
" its all up in the mind"

Suddenly last night over a conversation i happenend to remembr this and since then have been ranting away the line to everyone....
This goes to ron "the don"..from whom i have picked it up from....a man of principles and a master of laziness....
He changed my life forever with this phrase and got me used to pain in a way which helped become what i am today..
As you say ron.........." a great, beautiful and strong, mature grown up woman( how you hate to admit it), but one day you gotto make the "decision"!!!!

In a way i owe u a lot in changing my outlook towards relationships and myself...and i can proudly say..i am stronger now..and a mind person!!!

the question still remains.....have u become a heart person????

and i think i knw the answer.....

Currently feeling: .......

Listening to:..........

|

| This angel fell @ 11:56 AM |

__________

-why am i like this???-

Am i supposed to be jealous???i have been this way for as long as i remember and olways wanted to get rid of this side of my personality....
Why do i feel this way wenever i see her around?..why do i feel so disturbed when i see her name?should i or shoudnt i?....i dont know..i dont want to be this way..i know he is mine..i know i have him with me for the rest of my life but still it hurts....for a while it does..dont know why?..

Someone please help me see it.....

Currently feeling: dejected

Listening to:tere bin.....

|

| This angel fell @ 12:10 AM |

__________

Monday, September 04, 2006

-mondays.....-

It's a monday morning and the same old usual lines going on and on in my head...wht am i doing here?..why am i here?...do i really want to be here...i have been thinking..been a while i have been thinking..i know i dont have the answers..i dont want to think anymore...i am not happy thats what i know...i am sure of.....so what do i do now?..wwill make me happy....what can get my waltz back?....i dont know.....why dont i know..why dont i know....
Its the usual..when u know in ur head that you are right but everyhing around you feels wrong....when no matter what you do is speculated and criticised and no matter what you do to mke it right it never seems so.....what do you do then?..why do you still struggle on....why should u still care?....

Currently feeling: Confused

Listening to:....teddy talking over the phone.....

|

| This angel fell @ 11:34 AM |

__________

Saturday, September 02, 2006

-ironic-

a traffic jam when you olready late
a no smokimg sign on your ciggerette break
its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
its like meeting the man of your dreams then meeting his beautiful wife
and isnt it ironic....

these have been my favourite lines since i dont remembr when..actually makes so much sense...coming to think of it...

Currently feeling: low

Listening to:....chatter @ work...( http://www.bolt.com/VictorPena/video/1579649 )

|

| This angel fell @ 5:21 PM |

__________

Friday, September 01, 2006

-reflections....-

pyaar ki yeh raat hai..ab na jaa
chooti si ek baat hai..ab na jaa
Pal do pal ka saath hai..ab na jaa
jadoo si yeh raat hai..ab na jaa
ab na jaa.......

How some songs just take u through a series of emotions at the same time...have been listening to this one the whole day...and have been feeling so strange...the pain of missing someone has become a pleasure.....
there i was holding onto him and had his arms around me and faintly the song going on somewhere far....some wine....few candles.....darkness around me.......(sigh)...
There i was walking along the road alone looking at a couple sitting on a park bench and screaming at each other...
there i see a silver jag standing by the road-side.....
there i read through all my mails one by one only to miss him more....
there i look up at the sky and see the moon......only to wonder..is he doing the same...

there i think...how stupid can u be????
this too shall pass........

Currently feeling: Happy sad

Listening to:ab na jaa......

|

| This angel fell @ 7:21 PM |

__________

-boink..boink-

It's been along time that i got into one of my "good" mood swings..i am usually grouchy, mouthing off irrationally, talking loads of crap and abuses in my mother tougue come out as someone wud throw up after gluging about15 shots of tequila, half a bottle of scotch and few beers nd maybe a quarter bottle of vodka .....

I call this my " boink boink" mood..Someone was very surprised that i was indeed capable of just being happy without any reason..coming to think of it..i am..just happy..nothing special happened today apart from the fact that i hav been quite bed ridden since 2 days.....as i stepped into office in the morning i felt nauseated and sick..so i ran back home right after lunch time hoping to catch up on some sleep which i have been missing from a couple of weeks lately...

But as god wud have it his way...i cudnt get any....So at the end of the day..im sitting here..going all bonkers..laughing madly enuf to look like a whacked pigeon....and yeah...going" boink boink"....

Currently feeling: boink boink....

Listening to:

|

| This angel fell @ 12:55 AM |

__________

Thursday, August 31, 2006

-Love story....-

Don't believe this...had tread upon a friend's blog by chance and i took this test from a link from one of her posts.....can't believe that i could be so stupid...it's a love story prediction kinda thingy....

u gotto keep adding adjectives nd names and kinda thing....here s is mine neways......

Love Story

One funny summer day at california you see the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen. Their name is teddy , and every move he makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend saru and say, "Wow, that has to be the most crazy body I have ever seen." Suddenly, he looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! he says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so shit head , and was wondering if you'd like to go to nw jersey with me and eat ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " roll n shove it up " and go with them. When you finally get to nw jersey ,he moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a simba hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.

It reads: "

teddy is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. he will ask you out in 7 days or less, but only if you send this e-mail to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 7 years!"

Get your own love story at http://www.love.2loop.com/

Currently feeling: Stupid

Listening to:..........myself.........

|

| This angel fell @ 8:21 PM |

__________

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

-ranting away..-

Today's forcast:"You are soon goign to change your line of work"

My Forecast: hehehehe..yes i am...it's been a while i have been considering to go back to BD and marketing.Havent been able to make up my mind though.kinda bored of this job....no freaking life......get paid like a slut...........work like a beaver...sleep like a giraffe...treated like a dog(bitch actually).....

Currently feeling: bored

Listening to: mitwaa.....

|

| This angel fell @ 9:46 PM |

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-happened again!!!!!-

Its a Wednesday and i am already hysterical. Two more days for the weekend..yaaay....havent been sleeping well from quite sometime now .Bad dreams, claustrophobic at times, weird thoughts, sense of loosing someone the minute i close my eyes.....all sorts of things on my head. I guess i should calm down....so i keep telling myself that.

Today managed to stay back at home even though i am feeling miserable about that fact that i did not go to work considering there was shit loads of things to take care off...but what the hell????

Lately have been going out at night with a crazy bunch of friends just driving around, having tea at a small roadside shop…..( by now the shopkeeper knows ur names and also out pet names. so u can imagine)..These late night drives have been keeping me awake...Driving at a speed of 124-140 kms on the ring road and blasting snoop-dogg followed by some house music…..actually for a temporary period of time eases my head....
Another confession.....Had quit smoking up some 3 years back...hell yeah....i am the been there done that type...but had quit the very day I stepped into this city and proudly enough i say that hadnt touched it till these crazy drives began....
it was probably a Tuesday night.2 weeks back...the boys were running out on the "stuff"…..so we all agreed that we shall go and buy some more. I was excited coz i wanted to see how they do it here….. So i got myself comfortable in the car, while Mr. Moo drove at a speed wherein if i wouldnt have been sitting in between the other two crazy mutts…..surely would have flown out of the window...

I realized we were slowing down and Mr. Moo now drove at a speed wherein a turtle and i literally mean it...…..a turtle could put us to shame....Neways...We drove slowly next to the kerb and Mr. Moo was advised by all never to apply brakes but keep driving at this annoyingly slow pace….he honked once outside a small tent next to the kerb on the pavement….nothing...we drove a little further and took a U-turn and drove back at the same pace in front of the tent….Honked again...Nothing....
Geez…..we did this about 7 times and i was getting irritated..(Considering i suffer from absolute impatience in everything i am involved in)..doing this 7 times had got me rattling off in Hindi to the bunch....Suddenly i was asked to shut up!!!..
Shut up.....Who the F@$* said that...neways…..i gave up.....a small lil man, sleepy but neatly dressed in trousers and tucked in shirt walked up to the car...Mr. King held out a bunch of bills out of his window and said" 100"
I was watching all this with fascination coz there were cops patrolling those streets all the time and the boys were pro…
Mr.King grabbed the small lil packet from the small man's hand and we zoomed off...
The next question? Who is gonna roll it...the entire bunch turned their faces out of the window and nobody seemed to want to do it…..just then Mr. Moo teased me by asking me to roll it…..and i agreed..
I cleaned it, mixed it…..rolled it...( realized i am still good at it)

And the first one was lit….by now i wanted to taste it once….just once…..it’s been such a long time...just one....and as i held it between my fingers and the smoke rolled out of my mouth..
I felt…..i felt....nothing...
We all got comfortable in the car, Mr.Moo driving steadily, the joint kept passing and the music kept playing.....

Currently feeling: High

Listening to:when i'm gone....( http://www.bolt.com/douglas-lee/video/2130901 )

|

| This angel fell @ 9:27 PM |

__________

-couldnt be more apt for me right now!!!!-

So lately, I've been wonderin Who will be there to take my place When I'm gone, you'll need love To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall It would fall upon us all And between the sand and stone Could you make it on your own
If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out The way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall It would fall upon us all Well I hope there's someone out there Who can bring me back to you
Runaway with my heart Runaway with my hope Runaway with my love I know now, just quite how My life and love might still go on In your heart and your mind I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could turn back time I'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will go

Currently feeling: Loved

Listening to:The lyrics are above.....

|

| This angel fell @ 6:24 PM |

__________

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

-My few favorite phrases from movies..-

1. We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You... complete me...( Jerry Maguire)

2. I love him for the way he is, i love him for the man he almost is...I love him, i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him.... ...( Jerry Maguire)

3. She smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dresses like her mother! ....(Bridget Jones diary)

4. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.......(Gladiator)

5. Captain Steven Hiller: I ain't heard no fat lady!
David Levinson: Forget the fat lady. You're Obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here! .....(Independance day)

6. Elvis has left the building!!!........( Independance day)

7.Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! you don't own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral's daughter! ........(Top gun)

8.It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you...(Top gun)

Currently feeling: jobless

Listening to: my sacrifice....

|

| This angel fell @ 2:56 PM |

__________

Friday, August 25, 2006

-at work...-

This one took bout 7 mins.....sitting at office..getting bored....desperately wanted to take my mind off a few things.....sincerely speaking......it helped...

Currently feeling: Bored

Listening to: sutta na mila....

|

| This angel fell @ 6:45 PM |

__________

-My first......after a very long time-

Its been a long time.....i sketched.....not one of my good ones.....
(P.S:..I have a fetish with hands...I dont remember telling you so!!!!!)

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| This angel fell @ 6:26 PM |

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

-Devil.....-

He is so young, so naive- he is a prisoner of my world
Step into my darkened chamber- evil will unfurl
Chew em up, spit em out-thats what i am about
Do what i want-if you dont like it then get the fuck out

I wont hurt you, just come closer-step into my privatre room
You cant resist warm delights-step into my private world

Dream about me and worship me- and maybe if you do
Maybe i will come and see you- just to watch you drool
Stupid boy cant you see i dont give a damn
If you live or if you die- just dont waste my time
I wont hurt you!!!There is no escape

Come into my arms and then you will know
Just what i want you for
Ill take your pride, ill take your life
And now you are back for more
I wont hurt you precious!!!

Currently feeling: Violent

Listening to: I fucking hate you.....

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| This angel fell @ 10:00 PM |

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

-candle freak!!!-

I have a obsession wid candles...only my closest of the close friends know bout it...and you too.....
so here are few of thm and wht they stand for..

Red
Love, passion, energy, enthusiasm, courage, strength, radiant health. Also good for protection against psychic attack, physical harm inflicted through Black Magic performed by enemies, and to conquer fear of laziness.
Orange
Symbolizes the Sun of midsummer. A color of great power. Enthusiasm, fun, vitality, stimulation, adaptability, attraction and friendship. Use for bringing success, or to draw/attract good things and friendly people.
Yellow
Clairvoyance, learning, mind and communication. Used in operations designed to bend the mind of another. Also to aid memory, healing, improve business, success in the performing arts, promote cheerfulness in a grouchy person, chasing evil, and exorcism.
Green
Symbolizes nature and material gain. Healing, money, prosperity, luck, fertility, promote balance and harmony in an off balance situation, protection and calming. Other uses - For any circumstance requiring a healthier outlook, or a repeated or renewal of a spell in order to perpetuate it, or protect it from deterioration.
Blue
Healing, meditation, tranquillity and forgiveness. Use light blue for: devotion, inspiration, peace and blessings in the home, to keep a man or woman faithful. Use deep blue for: loyalty on a communal level, successful group enterprise and expansion.
Purple
Intuition, dignity and spiritual shield, wisdom, idealism, psychic manifestation and spirit contact, spirituality, wisdom and psychic awareness. Typically used when great spiritual power is necessary. Effectively used against Black Magick, demoniac possession (to drive away evil), to breakup a jinxed condition, and for spiritual or psychic healing, or to throw up a veil of spiritual protection.
White
Protection, peace, sincerity, virtue of kinds, the highest spirituality, purity and truth. The balanced presence of all colors in synthesis.
Pink
Emotional love, friendships, gentleness, spiritual fulfillment, affection and harmony. Use for spiritual healings, break up bad prevailing conditions of many kinds, great joy and sensual pleasure.
Turquoise
Awareness, meditation, moon and creativity.
Black
Absorption and destruction of negative energy. Represents the still of the night, the deep cold and tranquil waters, the deepest recesses of the unconscious mind. Good for banishing rituals. As a black candle burns it releases whatever energies you have placed into it, when you charged it.
Gold
Symbolizes universal fraternity, great fortune. Use to promote understanding for divinitory rituals and bring about peace in a community in a group. Also used to bring fast luck.
Brown
Color of the soil. Use in times of financial crises to attract money and financial success. Also used to attract the Earth Spirits, who must always be remunerated for their aid, and properly dismissed with a special ritual.
Silver (Light Gray)
Represents stability and neutrality. Use to remove evil influences, or to neutralize any existing undesirable vibrations. Use with meditation to aid the development of psychic developments and ESP. Use as Altar candles to invoke the assistance of the Great Mother, or Goddess aspect of a Deity.
Magenta
This is a difficult color candle to find. Magenta is a illusionary oscillation of the color spectrum, between the infra-red and ultra-violet at a very high frequency. It is named for the ´Magi´ and literally means Magic Color. Used with other candles it will promote a speedy result or action. Also good to use for spiritual healings, exorcisms and quick changes of a favorable nature.

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| This angel fell @ 5:46 PM |

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

-Someday....maybe..-

He was lying down next to me.So close.It was chilly outside and the late night drive had had exhausted me to the bones.I walked in and i saw him lying on the couch changing channels.Was not sure what was he watching.He raised his head , tilted it to his right side and smiled.The smile that gives me the courage to go on.To keep pushing and moving ahead.To wait for another day to begin.At that split second i knew i could take on the whole world.I decided to change into this green t-shirt of mine-quite old one but still manages to cover me up adequately.And i snuggled up on the bed with my quilt.All of a sudden i felt his left hand pull me towards him.And i realised resisting wouldnt be of much use.So i gave in and we just lay there.None of us were talking.Just floating around in our quietus.I was almost drifting into sleep when i felt him running his hands through my hair and i heard myself say " stop smelling my hair"....All i heard was ..nothing...but i knw he had that life saving smile on his face.He gently moved the strands of hair from my neck and placed a kiss just too perfect.This is how i got my first kiss of the day.And fell in love all over again.........
Someday this would come true....Someday....

Currently feeling: Lost

Listening to: With arms wide open.....

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| This angel fell @ 2:03 PM |

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

-I am fallen......-

I have no soul
I have no heart
I am cast away from heaven
And Im waiting to play my part

To break, to burn, to kiss and to run
nevr to undo wht already is done
untill death will I make you yearn
That is a promise- i have earned...
( incomplete)

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| This angel fell @ 12:00 PM |

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-I really like this one...-

Indeed, indeed, I cannot tell,
Though I ponder on it well,
Which were easier to state,
All my love or all my hate.
Surely, surely, thou wilt trust me
When I say thou dost disgust me.
O, I hate thee with a hate
That would fain annihilate;
Yet sometimes against my will,
My dear friend, I love thee still.
It were treason to our love,
And a sin to God above,
One iota to abate
Of a pure impartial hate

-H.D.Thoreau

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| This angel fell @ 12:22 AM |

__________

-Gin (personally not my kinda drink)-

Don't tell my mother im living in sin
Don't let the old folks know
Don't tell my twin that I breakfast on Gin
He'd never survive the blow!!!

-Sir Alan Herbert

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| This angel fell @ 12:18 AM |

__________

-Pain running high....-

Why do we live this life
With all this pain inside
Screaming inside my head
To let go of all those dead
I wish to, I wish i could
But this pain is my aphrodisiac....

Currently feeling: Hurt

Listening to: Hero....

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| This angel fell @ 12:07 AM |

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Monday, August 14, 2006

-never a man...ever...-

If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page,get a dog.If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get adog.If you want someone who's always eager to go out anytime you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.If you want someone who never touches the remote,couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want,get a dog.If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time,get a dog!

On the other hand...If you want someone who never comes when you call him,totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy.............................Get a CAT

P.S: its a forward..but i thought it's worth trying...

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| This angel fell @ 2:36 PM |

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

-Most of them say this is me...-

At my darkest moments, i feel frustrated.At work and school, i do best when i'm organizing.When i love someone, i tend to worry about them.I was a excellent cook in my past life.In friendship, i am emotional and sympathetic.i will leave a mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books....And i say..This is non-sense...

So this is what i am , from the one who knows me; is a part of me:

The walls keep closing in, its harder to stop the pain and the screams
The voices in my head just get louder, stories of hurt, betrayal and shattered dreams
Cant hold it in much longer, it may be time to unleash the Beast.

Tear it all down, abandon all hope Ye who enter here
Enter the lair of the Beast, My world where happiness has not a prayer
Now I write my own rules, its time to unleash the Beast

Step into my world , where caring hands slash at my heart
Where the shade that nurtures, terrifies and bears my demons in the dark
Where tired legs, cant stop , for the Beast is unleashed.

Now the shadows are my home, and pain is my mistress
Where my salvation is in death and the Grims sweet caress
I am the Beast and I am unleashed.

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| This angel fell @ 3:08 PM |

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

-The gates of hell.....-

Per me si va ne la citta dolente,
Per me si va ne l'etterno dolore,
Per me si va tra la Perduta Gente.
Giustizia mosse il mio Alto Fattore;
Fecemi la Divina Podestate,
La Somma Sapienza e 'l Primo Amore.
Dinanzi a me non fuor cose create
Se non etterne, e io etterno duro
Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate

-Dante Alighiri( La Divina Commedia, Canto III 1-9)

Through me the road to the city of desolation,
Through me the road to sorrows diuturnal,
Through me the road among the lost creation.
Justice moved my great maker;God eternal
Wrought me: the power, and the unsearchably
High wisdom, and the primal love supernal.
Nothing ere I was made to be
Save things eternal, and I eterne abide;
Lay down all hope, you that go in by me.

Through me the way into the suffering city
Through me the way into the eternal pain
Through me the way through the lost people
Justice moved my high artificer
My maker was divine authority
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing was created
That was not eternal, and I endure eternally.
Abandon all hope, you who enter!

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| This angel fell @ 12:35 PM |

__________

Dated: 20th July 2006

Message: I have no doubt in my mind that you can keep your word.Here's to a day of fresh air.Lots of love.Teddy

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| This angel fell @ 12:03 PM |

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Monday, August 07, 2006

-Too many..too soon....-

Feeling very restless. I know i am going to ponder and think. I am trying to restrain myself from doing so though i know myself within. I loose my self restrain and i know the depression will eventually set in.I can feel the thoughts gently but steadily floating in my head. I want to think about something else. Something nice. Something beautiful. [I walk up to my cupboard and my gaze stops at the picture]
Staring at the white screen in front of me. It’s been a while now. How do i start? What do i write? I write about you.
I am trying to convene those numerous random thoughts in my head. Too many, too soon, too fast.
My fingers are paining from the constant typing. I don’t look at the screen even once. I know i have made mistakes. I know i am speaking out as never before. After about an hour it stops.. The thoughts...
Now they are more descriptive. More explanatory. They are giving me more time to elaborately think
I am just a herald....

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| This angel fell @ 2:21 PM |

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

-I can say how it feels....-

BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,but then get scared because you barely know whereyou are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold,catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then thenext, secure.You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life,but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away,and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over,and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the racewould be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out....maybe this will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

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| This angel fell @ 5:16 PM |

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Friday, August 04, 2006

-questions??-

I refrain from the past
To seek a bright future
I see the agony and the pain
The stretch of the hurt
I know i must
I know i should

Alas, I bereave my emotions,
Subdue my heart
Wipe my tears
And hope against hope
Thought this was just a dream
My misery,
How could this happen to me
How could I let this go on?

My only hope
Someone, oh someone
Take me away from here
I cannot bear this anymore
Where is my knight in shining armor.
No one but myself can do what i must,
Though I must hate myself and despise me,
But what did I do...

I cut my heart into two, someone please help me find it...

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| This angel fell @ 5:14 PM |

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

-I still......-

I watch the western sky the sun is sinking
Before i could realise it got me thinking
I did not miss u much i did not suffer
What did not kill me just made me tougher

I feel the summer goes its fiery sinews
Now in the starry night the case continues
Another night in the court the same old trial
The same old questions asked the same denial
The shadows close around me like jury members
I look for answers in fires embers
Would i be missing you for the rest of the years?
I give my usual line i dont remember

Another summer will come with fiery fingers creep
Into these bones of mine these memories will never sleep
With all the differences we keep our distances
Why should it follow?
How much i loved you to let you go?

What is the force that binds the stars?
I wear this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that pulls the tide?
Never could find a place to hide
What moves the earth around the sun?
What else can i do but run and run?

Afraid to love, afraid to fail
Like a mast without a sail
The moon becomes a fingers nail and slowly is sinking
Another day begins and still i am thinking
That this indifference of yours, was my invention
When everything i did, caught your attention

You were my compass star you were my measure
You were my pirates map of buried treasure
If this was all correct, the last thing i would expect
The prosecution might just rest and its time to confess

I still love you
I still love you....

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| This angel fell @ 5:13 PM |

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

-Angel....-

Every night I slept with the demons of wrath and pain,
My eyes would tell a story, but nobody would listen to what I’m saying

Beaten down to the ground, I lay bloodied among the ruins of a dream
Trapped inside the recesses of my mind, lost in the echoes of a scream

Till one day, I closed my eyes and said, I shall hurt no more
Letting go was the easiest thing to do, like a boat drifting away from the shore

Then through the haze of pain, came a voice that was sweet and clear
A voice reminding me of love, a voice that stroked my heart and called me near

Pulling me back from the abyss, you wiped away years of scars
You said a lot, yet said nothing, never promising me the moon and the stars

You talked of a love that would make me rage and cry
But you gave me life and hope and the will to try

Like the breaking of sunrise from the top of a tree
You showed me a path, you let me loose, you set me free

You are my angel, my nightingale during a dark night, my guiding light
I may lay cut and bleeding today, but i shall never fall, but stand and fight

You gave me a reason to live, the hope o wake up and the strength to go on
You’re the reality i have been waiting for, every minute for oh so long.

Someday i hope you understand what you mean to me,
With my last dying breath I’ll make u smile, someday you’ll see.

Currently feeling: Missed

Listening to: Heartache....

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| This angel fell @ 5:04 PM |

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-The day i lost my dogs and found my kids...-

Monday’s are a bitch, was the thought in my mind as I headed to work. With the Monday blues in my head and i hated every minute of the journey. Something within me told me its going to be a long day and a tough one too.
I had just settled down at my desk and i realized that i haven’t fed my dogs. So i called Sarita (my bestest of friend in this city) and i asked her to feed them.( Them being Simba and Liz)
Hours passed and it was around 1330 hrs. I hear my cell phone ringing and i jump across a huge rack of papers (that i am yet to sort out) to reach for me phone. Sarita is calling. Maybe to tell me that she will reach home a little late. Maybe to tell me that she has already fed the dogs. Maybe to tell me that they have chewed up the house again. Maybe to tell me that they have dirtied the patio. Maybe to tell me the maid has not turned up. Maybe...
I pick up the phone. And all i can make out is some mumbling. I try to form sentences out of those ruffled words and I realize she was saying" Both are missing, both are missing".
It did not strike me that she was talking bout Simba and Liz. How can they be missing. The last thing i realized was that i was mumbling myself. I grabbed my purse and started running towards the road where i could get a Rick.
As I reached my block i saw Sarita walking down the lane looking around. That was when reality struck me. They are indeed missing. Both of them. The neighbors told us that some salesmen around 12 visited the house in the afternoon. My heart sank as they told me that they heard them barking even then. But someone took them away on a 2 wheeler. The thought of never seeing them ever was bedded in my head by then.
By this time i was running toward the house thinking they might have been on the terrace or got locked up in one of the rest rooms. Sarita must have forgotten to check. As I ran into the house i saw their chew dolls lying around and like a flash i went back in time. Liz would never leave her chew doll even for a split second. She wouldn’t have let go of it even while she is in bed. I was used to seeing her with it in her mouth 27 par 7.
I rushed into the house only to find that it was empty. Before i could realize Sarita was asking me to calm down. Later it came to my knowledge that I was hysterically screaming out their names and crying at the same time. Little did i know that the worst is yet to come.
Next thing i know i was running on the lanes, by lanes around my house bare feet and screaming their names out again and again. My worry was for the elder one (that being Simba) he is the more scared and lost types. And somewhere inside my mind I consoled myself that Liz (being a Lab) would try to find her way back home. But Simba, my poor little boy, God please help him (I am an atheist by the way). I turned to look around and i saw Sarita on her bike following me and so i stopped running. She suggested we go on the bike looking for them. I also agreed to the idea as i was nearly fainting from the exhaustion that lasted for an hour by now. I already had my neighbors fanning out in all directions to look for both of them.
As we drove we searched both sides of the lanes, behind every car parked on the curb, behind every bush in the neighborhood. With every gaze my heart skipped a beat and i lost a minute of my life. Then out of the blue, I think i saw a bushy tail behind a car. I think i saw. Not sure. I started running towards it as soon as i got down from the bike. I screamed out Simba, Simba baby...and there he was......never before has he looked so handsome and beautiful at the same time. He still did not notice me. He was staring at the street dog standing right in front of him. As I called his name and slowed down my pace I heard my heart beat so loudly as if it would pop right out of my mouth.

He looked at me and froze for a millisecond. Suddenly i see him running and bouncing towards me with all his might. I have never seen him happier in life than that minute. There was my boy. My life support system. My son.

I managed to break into a smile as i hugged him hard and close to my heart with all my might. At least i found one. At least i have one.
It dawned upon me that Liz must be frightened too. Poor girl, she is only 4 months old. How could i do this? I have been such a terrible mother. Shame on you. You don’t deserve to have kids.
The search began again, only his time there was hope, a faint streak of hope. I was considering calling in a few more friends for the search operation. Also thinking bout lodging a complaint with the Local station and announcing a reward for the missing pup. Liz is cute. Cute is and understatement. She is pretty.....Nah..even that is too small a word for her. As all these thoughts kept racing in my head, Sarita screamed there she is.I saw her sitting on the porch , tied to a leash. Is it her? Why is she not recognizing me? She was sitting royally as if she has been sitting on a throne of soft silk. She looked contempt. As i walked towards her, she slowly rose and whined. Considering i have never given her a reason to whine till now let alone putting a leash on her collar. I got furious. They were a bunch of college going kids who found her on the road being chased by street dogs. I screamed at them, but realized that without them Liz would not have been safe. I apologized quickly. As she walked out of their house she started running towards my lane. She ducked and she jumped never losing her speed. It was difficult for me to keep pace. But i was happy

seeing her run straight for the house. I found my girl too. By now the tears had dried on my face leaving dark black eye color running down till my chin.
I had my neighbors pouring in to see whether they both are fine and all i could say was that i am fine now. So this is how i found my kids- a 4 month old and the other a year old.My life, my reason to rush back home every single day of my life.

I love them more than anything, more than anybody.....

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| This angel fell @ 4:37 PM |

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

-unwell-

My head is spinning like a wheel, only slowly so that each minute of the past glances at me and smirks at my face.Only to demean and leave me to lament for my fears and my sorrow.

Sitting on my bed running a 102C temperature.I am trying to write.I feel my bones are going to crack into chips at my every move...my head feels as if a diplodocus has been doing fox trot inside....my eyes have been watery since yesterday but nw they look as if the great nile has originated from them...my lips are swollen and dry like they have been stung by a 100 bees.my saliva testes weird and yuck..
I am a total mess right now..god's way of telling me........slow down gal!!!

Currently feeling: tired

Listening to:...myself.....

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| This angel fell @ 12:14 PM |

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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

-This was school...-

10th grade
**********
As I sat there in the english class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair,and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.

11th grade
**********
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.

Senior year
***********
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said,"he's not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date,and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together- just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step.I stared at her as she she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine-but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from myshoulder and said- 'you r my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

********
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'i do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

*********
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! 'I wish I did too...' I thought to my self, and i cried.

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| This angel fell @ 3:05 PM |

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>The Fallen<
My name is...it doesn't matter....All you need to know is that I am a psychoneurotic.I am paranoid.I am obsessive.I am unpredictable. I am jealous.I am domineering.I am over-protective.I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I am a nervous wreck.I am hydrophobic.I am confused. I am guilty.I suffer from mnemophobia.I am unjustified.I am disturbed, demented, deranged and distracted. I am Acrophobic.I am a pessimist.I believe that any man is a sad excuse for a human being.I wish killing men would be legalised. I would have been seen carrying a shot gun with me all the time.I sincerely believe that yin is stronger than yang. I still believe that fire spitting dragons exist even now. I am a crazy shit headed control freak. You are probably much more saner than me..And i probably dont give a shit...